


And So We Meet

by ateam7



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-19 07:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19969954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateam7/pseuds/ateam7
Summary: A/U where they meet the right person at the wrong time. A story on how the right time arrives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a slow-burn story! There will be lots of angst, matched with lots of fluff(eventually, I promise)! The first few chapters will help give context to the characters, drama is to come. Let's start this journey, shall we?

"Come on, Krieger! Keep closer to number seven! Don't let them create a goal!" 

Ali hears her coach shouting at her from the sidelines, her eyes dancing around the footwork of the opposing team as she played defense. While every match was important to Ali in terms of performing her best, this one had more weight to it. Not because of the fact that it was the semi-finals for her state's high school tournament, but because college recruiters had attended this game in order to make a note of potential recruits, specifically UNC Chapel Hill which was Ali's top choice for more reasons than one. She had to show her strengths in this game, she had to. Getting lost in her thoughts, Ali realized that she had accidentally let the opposing team's forward run by her and she sprinted to kick the ball out of play. Ali mumbled frustrated breaths to herself and hurried to pick up her defense. She risked a glance at the stands to see the recruiters, noticing that they were jotting down notes. 

_Is that a good thing or bad thing?_ Ali wondered as she tensed up.

Suddenly she felt a clash on her body as she realized that she had let her defense down again, and in turn she went down with it. Ali groaned on the grass, wincing at the jolt of pain on her side but trying to hide her face from showing any emotions. 

"Come on babe, we have a game to play." 

Ali looked up to see her eyes meet with hazel ones. Ashlyn. Her Ashlyn. 

"I would help you up but I know you want to seem big and strong to these recruiters, and I can't steal your spotlight" Ashlyn teased. Ali laughed lightly and picked herself up, wiping off some excess turf as she did so. 

"Watch yourself Harris, we both know you're trying to impress them too. Last I checked, UNC is the top choice for both of us." 

Ali quickly got back in position, and pushed herself harder than before. The screams of her coach and her teammates motivated her to the end of the match. They won 2-0, and both Ali and Ashlyn had done exceptionally well. Her teammates were debriefing the match and celebrating their win on the field when Ali heard her name shouted from the stands.

"Ali Krieger! Ashlyn Harris! Whitney Engen!" Ali turned to look at Ashlyn, who looked back at her with wide eyes. The UNC recruiter was calling them over. They quickly gathered Whitney and headed over to the stands. 

"Ladies, my name is John Ivorton! I am the recruiter for UNC. It's a pleasure to finally meet you all in person." he said as he shook their hands. "You all played incredibly well, I just wanted to formally congratulate you on your win and to wish you luck with your college recruiting process." 

They all said thank you in unison, smiling wide at each other. 

"I took notes on your plays, and will add them to your applications. Sincerely, I wish you the best of luck. I have to head out now, but you will hear from me soon." John said as he tucked away his notepad. Just as they were walking back to their teammates, John turned around quickly. 

"Oh, and Ashlyn!" 

Ashlyn turned around quickly, causing Ali to turn with her. 

"You had an amazing game. I haven't seen a goalkeeper play like you did just now in years." John smiled and waved goodbye as he retreated. 

Ashlyn stood still not sure of what to say. She didn't have much time to do anything before she felt arms wrap around her body.

"Babe! He loves you! They love you! I'm so proud of you." Ali exclaimed, looking up at Ashlyn with wide eyes and a bright smile. Ashlyn laughed and smiled back at her.

"I can't even believe this!" Ashlyn said, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. "You did amazing too, babe. I want you to know that I'm so proud of you." Ashlyn said as she gave Ali a kiss on the cheek. Ali blushed and turned her face to meet her lips with Ashlyn's. They stayed in that position for a moment, before Ali pulled away and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's neck. 

"I'm so in love with you Ashlyn, do you know that?" Ali said, still smiling. 

"I think I do. But you can prove it to me later just so I can be sure." Ashlyn smirked, causing Ali to laugh. "I just hope you still love me when we have to wear the Caroline blue and and white. I'm not sure if those are my colors." 

"Oh stop. I think both will look just fine on us." Ali said, kissing Ashlyn on the cheek and running her hand through Ashlyn's ponytail. Ashlyn smiled at her, thinking about their future at UNC. 

"Whatever you say, Princess." 

\----------------------------------------

"Okay everyone! Make sure you take note of what is going to be on your exam. I'll see you tomorrow!" Ali's English teacher finished class, and Ali quickly put away her notes to go find Ashlyn outside. As she was walking out of class, she pulled out her phone to bring up her email, biting her lip. 

"Not so fast, Princess. We check our results later remember?" Ashlyn laughed, lightly tugging at Ali's arm. Ali was startled by Ashlyn, accidentally dropping her phone. 

"Ashhh come on." Ali pouted. "I can't wait by myself until then." she said as she picked up her phone.

"It's a good thing you're not waiting alone then." Ashlyn said, wrapping an arm around Ali's waist as they walked to Ashlyn's car. They had decided to stop at the beach before going to Ashlyn's house to read their college results. It was a way to have a calm mind before the event, and before the hopeful celebratory activities that would last them both the entire night in Ashlyn's bed. 

"Ash?" Ali mumbled next to Ashlyn. Ali was leaning against Ashlyn, with her head on Ashlyn's shoulder as they sat on the sand. It was a hot day in Florida, but they didn't care much as they were lost in thought. "Hmm?" Ashlyn hummed as she played with Ali's hair, kissing the top of her head. 

"Can you promise me something?" Ali started. "Can you promise that no matter what the results are tonight, we will always have each other?" Ali whispered, not looking up at Ashlyn. Ashlyn sat up a bit, putting her hand on Ali's chin to lift her head up. "Ali, look at me." Ashlyn said, her hazel eyes looking deep into Ali's brown ones. "No matter what, I will always be there for you. You will always have me, I love you." Ashlyn said before kissing Ali deeply, trying to pour her emotion into the kiss for Ali to feel. Ali moaned lightly before pulling away and looking at Ashlyn. 

"I promise I will always be there for you and that you will always have me." Ali said. "Let's go home, it's time to read our results." 

\---------------------------------------

Ashlyn's hands shook as she typed in her login for her UNC application on her laptop. "Are you ready?" she asked Ali, looking up across her as they sat on her bed. "Yeah, let me just check something else first." Ali said, quickly typing something on her own laptop.

"You're checking your results for Penn State, aren't you?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yes, I'm sorry I just want to see if I got into my second option. Maybe if I did, then I can feel better before looking at UNC." Ali admitted as she clicked away on her laptop. Ashlyn nodded, staying silent and watching Ali for any signs of the results. Suddenly, Ali gasped and put her hand over her mouth as her eyes watered. 

"What is it? Babe? Did you get in?" Ashlyn asked frantically, moving to sit by Ali. 

"I..I got in, Ash." Ali said smiling at Ashlyn. 

"Babe, I'm so proud of you! I told you that you would! You're so amazing of course you would!" Ashlyn exclaimed, hugging and kissing Ali. Ali laughed and wiped her eyes carefully so that she wouldn't mess up her mascara. 

"I can't believe it. I mean, I knew I impressed the coach but still!" Ali said. "Let's open our UNC results now. I'm ready." Ali said as she took a deep breath. Ashlyn smiled and went back across Ali, opening up her own laptop to go back to the link.

"Okay, click on three. One, two, three." Ashlyn said as her hands shook while she clicked the link. She immediately was met with "Congratulations" written in big, blue letters across her screen. Ashlyn shrieked. She got in. She got in to her top choice. As she read through the page quickly, she saw that they offered her a full athletic scholarship as a goalkeeper for their soccer team. 

"Babe, I got in! I'm going to be their goalkeeper! We did it!" Ashlyn said as she stared at the page. Not hearing anything back, Ashlyn looked up. She had heard Ali gasp when they opened their page, just as she did with Penn State. Ali had her hand over her mouth again, and tears in her eyes as she looked up at Ashlyn. Ashlyn noticed something different. 

"Alex...did you get in?" Ashlyn asked, her eyes showing concern. She moved to sit next to Ali and carefully looked at Ali's page. It looked different than Ashlyn's. Ashlyn scrolled through it, desperately looking for the congratulations message. Realizing what happened, Ashlyn quickly looked up at Ali. Saying nothing, Ashlyn took Ali into her arms as Ali let out a sob, her mascara forgotten. 

"I...I...I didn't get in Ash. I didn't get in." Ali said between her sobs, her hands pulling through her own hair as she fought back a scream. It wasn't supposed to work this way. Her and Ash were supposed to go to UNC, together. They had it all planned out, even taking a campus tour together. Ashlyn held Ali tightly as tears fell out of Ashlyn's eyes. 

"It's okay Alex. You're okay. We're going to be okay." Ashlyn whispered out between her own tears, holding Ali as close to her as she could. She pulled away to put her hands on Ali's cheeks, wiping her tears.

"Alex look at me. I know this isn't what we planned, but you're going to be okay. You got into Penn State! You have no idea how many people wish they got in there. You have so much to be proud about. I am so proud of you." Ashlyn said. Ali just shook her head and sobbed back into Ashlyn's chest. As much as she wanted to Penn State, she had wanted UNC more. She wanted Ashlyn more. 

Ashlyn held Ali close with her left arm as she used her right arm to move away their laptops. Ashlyn laid onto the bed, pulling Ali on her chest. She knew that right now Ali needed to let her emotions out. Ashlyn rubbed Ali's back, kissing the top of her head and whispering 'I love you' until she felt Ali fall asleep from crying so much. Ashlyn looked up and sighed lightly to not wake up Ali. She reflected on what her college life would be like without her. They had been together since the end of sophomore year, though their feelings had existed since they met as freshmen. Ashlyn had shyly sat with Ali at lunch on the first week of school, and Ashlyn was Ali's as soon as she first looked into Ali's warm, tiger-like eyes. Ever since then, Ashlyn swore to do everything she could to make sure Ali was happy. Ali was going to have an amazing future, even if Ali couldn't see that right now. Even though Ashlyn won't say it, she has a feeling that the pain she feels will carry with her farther than Ali's pain right now. She needed to make sure Ali was happy, with or without her there. 

"I promise Ali that no matter what, you're going to be okay." Ashlyn whispered. She couldn't say the same for herself as her eyes filled with tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first time posting my writing online. I hope you all enjoy. There will be quite a big of angst, so I apologize. Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter with backstory! The next chapters will be where they are now.

"We're still on for dinner tonight, right babe?" Ashlyn heard Ali chirp into the phone as she got herself dressed for the day. "Of course Princess. I'll come pick you up around 6." Ashlyn replied. 

"6? Why are you coming that early? We usually eat around 7." Ashlyn laughed at Ali's confusion. "Exactly. I will be at yours by 6, knowing you will still be getting ready and we won't end up leaving until 7. Gotta set an early time." 

Ashlyn heard Ali scoff into the phone followed with a "you're right" mumble under her breath. "I have to go now Princess. Lots of errands to run today!" Ashlyn said as she grabbed the keys to her Jeep from a bowl on her nightstand. 

"Okay Ash! I love you!" Ali replied.

"I love you too, Alex." Ashlyn said before hanging up. She sighed as she sat down on her bed briefly, looking around her room. Pictures of her and Ali were scattered along the wall above her desk. Memories from them playing soccer to going to the beach flooded her brain as she smiled at the thoughts. A little while ago, they had both received their college acceptances. Though the results were shocking and upsetting, Ashlyn had to admit that she was somewhat excited to be attending UNC soon. She knew deep down that Ali was excited to start at Penn State, though Ali's eyes would appear distant and she was always hesitant to talk about going away from Ashlyn. Ashlyn had done everything she could to distract Ali from the fact that they would be separated, from setting visiting schedules for the two of them during the school year to going with Ali on a tour of Penn State's campus. Ashlyn even bought a Penn State sweater and swore to wear it often so that it was as though Ali was always with her; consequently Ali promised to do the same with a UNC sweater that she had bought for herself. Ashlyn hated to see how reserved and unenthusiastic Ali was whenever an email about her upcoming soccer schedule or messages from her future teammates came up. She would always take a quick glance and then clear the notification before hesitantly looking at Ashlyn, as though she had to hide something.

Finally pushing herself off of her bed, Ashlyn walked out to her Jeep. She had to buy some dormitory supplies, since summer break was coming to a close in just about two weeks. Ashlyn walked down the aisles of the store she had pulled in, putting items in her cart every so often. She was only buying the essential because she wanted to save her money so that she could spend it on the last few hangouts she would have with Ali. As Ashlyn was about to turn towards the register, her eyes got caught on a small, purple gift box with silver patterns dancing around it. It seemed perfect to put a gift for Ali in and Ashlyn dropped it in her cart, unsure of what she should would put in it for Ali yet.

\------------------------------------------ 

"Babe I'm here." Ashlyn said into her phone as she pulled into Ali's driveway. 

"I'll be right out!" Ali replied, doing one more look at her mascara before nodding in satisfaction at her reflection in the mirror. Ali was dressed a simple white t-shirt, with black jeans. Her and Ashlyn have hung out almost everyday in the summer, causing her to cycle through all of her "fancier" outfits more quickly than she would have liked. Ali felt a buzz on her phone as she walked downstairs. It ended up being another message about her upcoming pre-season at Penn State, lifting a sigh out of Ali as she cleared the notification. She quickly made her way to Ashlyn's car and almost sprinted into her arms just as Ashlyn was exiting the driver's side. 

"Hey there Princess. I'm happy to see you too!" Ashlyn laughed as she kissed Ali softly on the lips. 

"Sorry," Ali mumbled, "I just couldn't wait to see you." 

"I'm not complaining, don't be sorry." Ashlyn reassured, taking Ali's hand as she opened the passenger door of her car for Ali and kissed her cheek before making her way over to the driver side. 

"Where are we going tonight?" Ali asked as Ashlyn put one hand on Ali's leg while she backed out of Ali's driveway. 

"I was thinking we could take a trip over to DiGionna's." Ashlyn said, smiling at Ali's excited reaction to hearing her favorite restaurant. As Ashlyn was driving, she noticed Ali continuously fidget with the screen of her phone. She fought back a sigh as she realized Ali was still neglecting her Penn State communications. Ashlyn pulled Ali's hand towards her and gently kissed her knuckles.

"Two more weeks until we are college athletes." Ashlyn said, trying to sound cheerful for Ali. "Can you believe it?"

"Mhmm." Ali murmured as she looked out the window. "So what do you want to do after we finish eating at DiGionna's? I was thinking we could go down to the beach or maybe watch a movie."

Ashlyn sighed. Every time she mentioned college Ali would divert the subject, as if not talking about it meant that it would not happen. "Alex..."Ashlyn started as she rubbed circles over Ali's hands. "Why do you not like talking about Penn State?"

"W-what are you talking about?" Ali retorted as she pulled her hand out of Ashlyn's grip. "I'm fine with talking about it. You never seem to talk about UNC around me, though." Ashlyn pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant but kept her car running, not making a move to get out. 

"I don't talk about UNC around you because every time I bring it up you either divert the conversation or give no response. You do the same for when I bring up Penn State or college at all for that matter."

"That's bullshit Ashlyn." Ali narrowed her eyes and fidgeted in her seat. "Bullshit? Really, Alex?" Ashlyn sighed. "Can I see your phone? I want to check something." Ashlyn asked, holding out her hand. Ali hesitated and gave her phone to Ashlyn. "Alex..." Ashlyn said with her eyes wide as she scrolled through Ali's emails. "You have barely read any of these from Penn State! Do you even know the names of your coach? Your teammates?" Ashlyn eyes narrowed as she read another email from...UNC? The subject showed Ali had been discussing how to figure out transfer options, and taking a gap year if it meant she had another shot at getting in. 

Ali snatched her phone out of Ashlyn's hands and shoved it in her purse before Ashlyn had a chance to confront her on it. "That's enough! We only have two weeks left together for fuck's sake Ashlyn, do you want to do this now?" Ali seethed as her eyes watered. Ashlyn reached her hands out to hold Ali's face, trying not show she was hurt by Ali flinching at the contact.

"Babe, I love you. I'm just trying to help you prepare for Penn. This is something you should be excited about." Ashlyn said gently as she looked into Ali's eyes, wiping away the small tears that had puddled beneath them. Ali quickly pulled her face away and opened the car door. 

"Excited? Sorry that I'm not as excited to be away from you as you are from me." Ali stated before slamming the door shut and heading into the restaurant. Ashlyn sighed and put her head against her hands on the steering wheel with a groan. She understood that Ali was upset to be away from her, and Ali had no idea how often Ashlyn let the thoughts of being away from Ali wreck her. But still, Ashlyn had to admit she was a little excited to start at UNC. It was her dream school after all, and she was going to play soccer for them. This opportunity will only come around once, and she wished Ali would see that. She was in love with Ali with every fiber in her being and she just wanted to see Ali be happy. With one last sigh, Ashlyn exited her car and went to follow Ali into the restaurant, deciding from this point forward to not bring up college again unless it was necessary. 

\------------------------------------------ 

"Do you have everything?" Ali whispered as she watched Ashlyn zip up her suitcase. Ali sat against the headboard of Ashlyn's bed, with her knees tucked up and her hands fidgeting together. The moment that she had dreaded was almost near, Ashlyn was leaving in the morning to North Carolina. 

"I think I have everything packed. Oh wait!" Ashlyn exclaimed as she unzipped her suitcase and opened it. She rushed over to her bed and picked up Ali bridal style. "I almost forget the most important thing! How am I meant to live without this?" Ashlyn joked as she pretended to set Ali into her suitcase. Ali dug her head into Ashlyn's neck and giggled, clutching onto Ashlyn's shirt. Tears quickly welled up in her eyes and she let out a sniff. Ashlyn felt Ali's change in mood and moved to sit them on her bed, with Ali cuddled into her lap. 

"I don't want you to leave Ash." Ali whispered. "I...I..." Ali started before getting choked up. Ashlyn quickly brought up Ali's chin to look her in the eyes. 

"Alex, it's okay to be okay. I promise." Ashlyn said as she wiped away Ali's tears. "You're everything to me, nothing will ever change that. I'm so incredibly in love with you." Ashlyn said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on Ali's lips. Ali moved to deepen the kiss, wrapping her arms around Ashlyn's neck and straddling her lap. She broke away and leaned her forehead against Ashlyn's. 

"I'm so incredibly in love with _you_." Ali emphasized. "I'm sorry that I was not myself these past two weeks. I just...it's been hard for me to accept that we really won't live near each other anymore. At least not for right now. I don't know how I can be happy away from you." 

"I know babe. It's hard for me too. But you know what keeps me going?" 

Ali shook her head, sniffling. Ashlyn brushed a strand of Ali's hair behind her ear. "Your smile." Ashlyn smirked. Ali rolled her eyes and slapped Ashlyn's shoulder lightly.

"Hey! I'm serious. Alex, you have the most beautiful smile. I will do anything to see it. It has a lot of power over me, Krieger." Ashlyn said, placing multiple kisses on Ali's cheek. Ali giggled and Ashlyn laid back on the bed, pulling Ali onto her chest. She stroked her hands through Ali's hair as Ali relaxed into her. "You're everything to me, Alex." Ashlyn whispered as she stared up at the ceiling. Her room was dimly lit since night had fallen. The moon shone down on Ali's face, reminding Ashlyn of the fact that this was their last night together before she had to leave. Ali began to sniffle again, clearly thinking the same as Ashlyn before looking up at her. 

"What am I going to do without you near me, Harris?" Ali said, reaching up to stroke Ashlyn's cheek. Ashlyn opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Instead she pulled Ali up and kissed her deeply, conveying all of her emotions into the kiss. They spent the rest of the night exploring each other's bodies, and reminding each other of how much love they had for the other. Soft moans filled the room before they both collapsed onto the bed. Ali moved to mold herself onto Ashlyn's chest, and Ashlyn wrapped her arms around Ali, holding her tight. 

"I love you, Alex." Ashlyn whispered as she heard Ali succumbed to sleep. "Don't ever forget that."

\------------------------------------------ 

Ashlyn loaded her suitcases in the trunk of her car, grunting as she hauled the last one onto it. She rubbed her eyes tiredly in response to the fact that she barely slept last night. Her mind was clouded with dread for this very morning. She heard her house's front door open, and she spotted Ali quietly sit in the passenger seat of Ashlyn's car, not saying a word. Ashlyn looked down at her feet and shut the trunk of her car, before moving to get into the driver's seat. Her parents were meeting her in North Carolina later in the day, so she didn't need to give them any long goodbyes. Ashlyn backed her car out of her driveway and held Ali's hand, giving it a quick kiss as she drove to drop her off at her house. Both of their minds were tortured with the fact that Ashlyn was leaving today, and before they knew it, Ashlyn pulled up to Ali's house. 

Ashlyn put her car in park, neither one of them saying a word as they listened to the gently hum of the Jeep's engine. "I'll walk you to your front door." Ashlyn whispered. Ali silently nodded and exited the car. Ashlyn blinked back tears as she quickly reached into the backseat and pulled out the small purple box that she had bought from the store a while ago, finally having figured out what to fill it with. She walked to Ali's front door with her eyes staring down at the ground before she dared to cast a glance at Ali's face. She admired her beautiful eyes, and the way her hair flowed in the light breeze. She looked at the soft lips that she had kissed thousands of times before, memorizing their exact shape. No one would ever compare to Ali, Ashlyn had known this for a very long time. She hoped Ali would eventually begin to see that as well. Ashlyn opened her mouth to speak but closed it as she felt Ali wrap her arms around Ashlyn's waist, burying her head into the taller girl's chest. Ali looked up into Ashlyn's hazel eyes, trying to read her emotions. She saw sadness, love, and..hesitation?

Ashlyn watched Ali's eyes go from showing she was upset to confused, and Ashlyn sighed knowing that her show was up. "Alex...I need to talk to you about something." Ashlyn started, feeling her stomach churn and her throat get choked up as she started the conversation. The one she dreaded having. The one she knew she had to have. 

"Okay." Ali whispered, gently pulling away from Ashlyn to stand in front of her. Ashlyn put the purple box that she was holding down behind her feet so that she could fidget with her own hands. Her heart screaming at her to stop. 

"I want you to know how much I love you. How no matter what, I'll never stop loving you. And that I will do anything for you to be happy. Please tell me you know that." Ashlyn pleaded, looking into Ali's eyes. The brown orbs which made Ashlyn fall deeper in love with every glance. Ali reluctantly nodded, "I know. I love you too, Ash." she whispered. 

Ashlyn nodded to herself, Ali having given her the confirmation she needed to continue. "And so...and so...I want you to know that I am doing this so that you can be happy. Because I want you to-because I _need_ you to be happy. Fuck Alex your smile, I swear it's the best thing in this universe. The things your smile does to me, jeez woman I can't even explain." Ashlyn rambled as she realized she was getting off track. She took a deep breath and paused for a moment. Her gaze shifted to the ground. "I need you to be able to smile wherever you are. I need you to be able to smile whoever you're with. Even if that means...without me." Ashlyn said. Her body feeling like it was on fire as it fought to reject the words she was spilling out. 

Ali took a step back as if she had been hit on the face. Her eyes clouded with tears, nothing being able to stop them from falling. Her mouth gaped open and she searched Ashlyn's face to see if she was going to do what Ali now thought she was going to do.

"What are you saying?" Ali choked out.

"I'm saying that we can't be together anymore, Alex." Ashlyn said barely above a whisper. She didn't dare to look up into Ali's eyes, because if she did then she knew that she would not be able to finish the conversation. 

"No..no! You're not breaking up with me Ashlyn. What the fuck are you saying? We're supposed to stay together, we have it all planned out. I would go visit you at UNC and you would visit me at P-Penn State." Ali said her hands shaking as she watched Ashlyn continue to not look at her. 

"Ali...I..I'm sorry. We can't..I can't do this. I can't live with myself feeling that I am holding you back from being happy at college." 

"But I am going to be happy! I am because I know that I have you!" Ali exclaimed desperately. 

"No. Fuck Ali, you can't even say Penn State without hesitating!" Ashlyn exclaimed back before bringing her tone down. 

"That's not true! God, Ashlyn! Why do you keep thinking that?" Ali spat back. 

"I saw the emails Ali. I saw what you said to UNC about transferring or about...taking a gap year." Ashlyn replied. Ali's eyes widened. 

"That was...that was just....that was just a general question. Kyle has a friend that was curious about it and I asked for him." Ali lied. Ashlyn just shook her head.

"I know you, Ali. I know those were from you, that those were _for_ you. Admit it, you have been in denial of the fact that we won't be going to the same college, and it's been eating away at you and your happiness." Ashlyn accused. 

"Of course I am upset about us not going to the same college!" Ali shouted as she threw her hands up in the hair. "Aren't you? Or are you just too fucking excited to be away from me? Are you planning on hooking up with other girls there? Is that what this is about?" 

Ashlyn snapped her head up and looked into Ali's eyes with intensity. "That is _not_ what this is about. Fuck Alex! How could you say that? I get upset every fucking time I think about going away!" Ashlyn shouted back, her hazel eyes blazed with anger. She quickly regained her composure and went on, "Even though I am upset about being away from you, I still do feel excited to go to UNC and to play soccer for them. I have no issue with reading their emails and getting to know my teammates. But it's not the same for you. You haven't been able to do any of that. You clear the notification every time you see it. You have no idea how amazing of an opportunity you have to play at Penn State! And I tried to tell myself that eventually you will be happy there, that you will realize how amazing it will be. But then I saw that email on your phone about transferring, and then I knew. I knew that you weren't going to stop and see how happy you should be now, how happy you will be in the future. And so I decided that I need to take myself out of this. I can't hold you back from having what some people refer to as the best time of their lives. I can't be the reason you miss out on any of that. It's not right, Ali." Ashlyn got out, taking another deep breath after and shifting her gaze to look down on the ground. "That is what this is about. I don't give a fuck about any other girls and you know that. I'm doing this because of how in love I am with you. I'm so sorry Ali but we can't be together."

Ali sobbed as she felt her legs shake from trying to hold herself up. Ashlyn, her Ashlyn, the one who promised she would always love her and do anything for her was now breaking up with her. "Then look me in the eyes and say it. Tell me that you're breaking up with me." Ali challenged, her eyes growing dark.

Hesitantly and slowly, Ashlyn lifted up her eyes to meet Ali's. She knew she couldn't go back. "I am breaking up with you." Ashlyn whispered, not breaking eye contact. She felt her eyes flood with tears, and she fought to keep them at bay. She had to be strong right now, for Ali. Ali shook her head and looked down, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I love you so much. I just want you to know that, please remember that. I need you to." Ashlyn pleaded, she reached down to pick up the purple box that she had previously placed on the ground. "I...I wanted to give you this so that you could have it when you're off at Penn State. It's-" Ashlyn didn't have time to finish before the box was slapped out of her hands, hitting Ali's front door and crashing to the ground. 

"Leave." Ali spat out as she glared at Ashlyn. Ashlyn tried to reach out to hold Ali, confusion hitting her face. "Ali-"

"I said leave, Ashlyn!" Ali shouted. She brought her hands up to shove Ashlyn back in the direction of her Jeep. "I don't care about what the fuck you got me, and I..I hate you." Ali said darkly. "I fucking hate you." she repeated as she looked at the hurt in Ashlyn's eyes. She could never mean what she said, but at this point she wanted Ashlyn to feel the same pain as her-at least just a fraction of it. Ali reached down to her bag and pulled out her UNC sweater that she and Ashlyn had gotten previously. She threw it across her lawn, not caring about dirtying it. 

Ashlyn backed up slowly, searching Ali's face as she tried to figure out what to say. "Ali, please-"

"Goodbye Ashlyn. Have a nice fucking time at UNC while I'm at _Penn State_. There? Did I say it confidently this time? No hesitation right?" Ali spat. She kicked aside the box from Ashlyn that had fallen to the ground and opened her front door and slammed it, not looking back at Ashlyn.

Ashlyn's hands went into fists as she fought back the urge to scream, she stared at Ali's door for a moment more before storming off to her car. She slammed her fists against her steering wheel, her jaw clenching at the events that had just happened. She thought that maybe Ali would understand where she was coming from, at least a little, but she was completely wrong. Ali hated her now, and Ashlyn didn't know how to live with that fact. She had done all of this for Ali, so that Ali could be happy. Throughout their years together, Ashlyn had always reminded Ali of how much she loved her, and now Ali _hated_ her? Ashlyn eyes narrowed as she continued to let out her frustration. If Ali wants to hate her, then she was going to make sure she gave her a good reason to. With that final thought Ashlyn drove off, not looking back to see Ali open her front door to come back out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, here comes crazy college Ash. Thank you for reading! Gear up for the angst. Please comment and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should say that this story will be a slow build-up. I'm sorry in advance...but am I really? Enjoy!

Chaotic. That's how Ashlyn would describe her first semester of college: absolutely chaotic. She knew college dorms usually brought out the wild side of students, but she never could have prepared for how wild they truly were. She also had underestimated exactly how difficult it would be to manage an athlete lifestyle while maintaining a full-course load. Being one of those "party students" did not exactly help Ashlyn's case for time management, either. Sure enough, Ashlyn had embodied the typical college student: drunk nights started on Thursdays and went until Saturday, with a girl slipping into her room in between. Ashlyn had to admit that she was a little embarrassed when Whitney caught the first instance of someone scrambling to gather her belongings and exit Ashlyn's room after a heated session, but now Whitney has seemed to accept Ashlyn's new lifestyle, even though Ashlyn sometimes wishes that she would try to restrain her on it. With a sigh, Ashlyn rolled over in her bed as she reflected on the year that was drawing to a close. She gazed at the moonlight hitting Whitney's face as she snored, giggling at how Whitney's mouth was wide open. She was eternally grateful to not only have her best friend with her, but to also have her as a roommate. She could not count the number of times Whitney gave her pep talks on how to be a "humble stud" at UNC. Ashlyn was confident that no one knew her better than Whitney did. Well, no one but Ali.

Ali. 

Ashlyn rolled over in her bed again at the thought of the name, as though turning to the other side meant turning away from everything that has happened. Ashlyn had not talk to Ali since their breakup in the summer. She had texted her to ask her how Penn State was halfway through their first semester, but that was left unanswered and every other text message that Ashlyn tried to type after that was left unsent. She'd be lying if she said that she did not think about Ali often; truth was, she thought about Ali almost every week. Small things would bring her reminders, from seeing squirrels run along the sidewalk which reminded her of how much Ali loved watching them, to hearing the rain which reminded her of how Ali would love to sit with her eyes closed and listen to it. And don't even get Ashlyn started on soccer practice. The first month of pre-season had been the hardest for her, as she was constantly reminded that she didn't have her favorite defender with her to joke around with, hug, kiss...

Ashlyn sniffled and turned over in her bed again, quietly reaching under it and maneuvering through one of her unzipped suitcases to pull out what had brought her comfort on nights like this. Nights where the thought of Ali would break Ashlyn down into a pulp. She put on the Penn State sweater that she had kept from their campus tour together, putting the hood over her so that she could feel safe. It had been months since they broke up, being that it was April now and that they had stopped talking in August. That day still haunts Ashlyn. The way Ali's eyes glistened with tears and hearing her confidently shout that she _hates_ her would enter Ashlyn's dreams every now and then. A reminder of the fact that she had ruined it all.

Despite this, Ashlyn has to admit that she doesn't regret her decision. Ali was never going to be truly happy at Penn State if they stayed together; however, Ashlyn wishes she had done the break-up differently. It was foolish of her to assume Ali would understand where she was coming from in that moment, and it was even more foolish of her to not discuss the decision with Ali first. Ashlyn closed her eyes with a sigh, willing herself to sleep. Her nights usually went like this when Whitney or a random girl wasn't up to distract her, and she needed to rest before her game tomorrow.

\--------------------------------------

Interesting. That's how Ali would describe her first semester. It was interesting to watch how everyone handled college. There were the homesick ones, the studious ones, and the snobby ones. Ali could put up with, and quite frankly had to put up with, every single one of them...well, except for the party ones. She rolled her eyes every time she had walked by the sounds of a party in her dorm, choosing instead to stick in her room and relax with shows on Netflix. Sure, she had tried to go to a couple of parties before but they were never really her thing. Still, she really enjoyed her time at Penn State-a lot more than she thought she would. Though she much preferred to have casual drinks with a few close friends than to be mingling around constantly throughout her whole night. Ali stood up from the desk in her room, grabbing her laptop to settle in for her nightly routine. It involved changing into her pajamas, pulling up the website that she intended to watch tonight, taking out a small bag of chips, and-just as Ali was about to take out her drinks, she was interrupted by a knock on her door. She walked over to open it, smiling at who she was met with.

"You're here early!" Ali exclaimed. 

"Early? Didn't we say that I would come over around 7pm?" the voice responded.

"Yeah but I usually need an extra thirty minutes or an hour after that to get ready." Ali responded, leaning on her tip-toes to give a kiss to her boyfriend. 

"I don't know how you expected me to know that." he joked. "Butttt, I brought over something." he said as he held up two wine coolers. 

Ali smiled in thanks and grabbed them out of his hand, replacing them with her own as she led him to her bed. 

"What do you want to watch tonight, Brent?" Ali asked him as she scooted close to the wall by her bed, her twin-sized mattress being anything but large enough for the two of them. 

"It seems like you already have something picked out!" Brent laughed back, pointing at the soccer live-stream on her laptop. "UNC, eh? I didn't know that you were such a huge fan of them that you would watch their friendly matches. I mean these aren't even competitive." 

Ali blushed slightly. "Yeah I uh, I really like their team. We can watch something else if you'd like." Ali said as she moved her hand to open Netflix. 

"No no it's okay, babe." Brent said, grabbing Ali's hand and kissing it. "I like UNC, let's watch this." 

Ali grinned and kissed Brent on the cheek before settling her head on his shoulder. Was it wrong of her to watch her ex-girlfriend play while she cuddled with her boyfriend? Yes. Should she have told her boyfriend that she used to date one of the girls on the team? Yes. But Ali kept her mouth shut as she focused on the match. Watching them made her feel somewhat connected to Ashlyn, as if this was the last string that they really had to hold on to together. She hadn't talked to Ashlyn in months. Ashlyn did try to reach out to her, but Ali quickly deleted it with no response. She admits that she had hoped Ashlyn would continue to reach out, to show some sort of regret or longing, but that never happened. Ali felt silly as she realized those stories only happen in movies. Still, as she lay with Brent, she finds herself missing Ashlyn's soft hands and how they would roam her body. She misses Ashlyn's dimpled grin, and her blonde hair. Ali felt a hand on her chin and she looked up. Instead of seeing her favorite hazel eyes, she was now met with striking blue ones. Instead of feeling Ashlyn gently hold her face, she felt rough hands pull her up. 

"Something on your mind babe?" Brent asked.

"No..no. Just stressing over my upcoming friendly match I guess." Ali shrugged, mentally hating herself for lying. Brent gave her a kiss that took all of Ali's strength to not recoil. Sometimes it was hard for her to be with Brent in this way, and she only preferred for her to be the one to initiate any sort of affection, given that whenever he did her mind was usually somewhere else...on someone else. 

"You're going to do great. Don't stress." Brent reassured, throwing her a grin.

Ali had to admit that Brent was good-looking, he had short light-brown hair, with a sharp jawline. Though his looks were appealing, it was his personality that drew Ali to him. They had met at one of the dorm parties she had tried to enjoy, and he seemed to sense her discomfort. He shyly introduced himself and asked her if she wanted to take a walk, to which she happily agreed. Ever since then, they have hung out every day with their brief friendship eventually turning romantic when Brent confessed his feelings. Ali stumbled on finding the right words to explain that she wasn't looking for anything, which Brent mistook for her being too nervous to say she felt the same, causing him to kiss her and causing Ali to feel too bad to deny him since then. She never let them do anything more than kiss, which she used to make herself feel better of the fact that she wasn't leading him on too much...right? 

Ali smiled at Brent and placed her head on his chest, half-heartedly cuddling him. She heard a knock on her door followed by it opening with her roommate's hands covering her eyes. 

"Please put all clothes on now or else I'll get the RA!" Sydney shouted.

"Shut up, Syd. We're just watching a soccer match with our clothes _on_." Ali emphasized as she rolled her eyes. 

Sydney put her hands down and smiled. "A soccer match? Who's playing? 

"Duke." Ali answered.

"Anddd UNC." Brent chimed in. "This one seems to be a huge fan of them, since she wants to watch their friendly." 

Sydney cast a knowing glance at Ali, who moved her eyes to stare at her laptop. Sydney had spent many nights holding a sobbing Ali as she talked about Ashlyn and how much she misses her, how much she loves her. 

"Oof. Good match. Well, just don't be too loud tonight. I need my beauty sleep." Sydney said as she kept the mood light, still trying to make eye contact with Ali. 

Ali stayed silent and Brent smiled and nodded for them both. He wrapped his arm around Ali, causing her to flinch. 

"You sure you're okay?" Brent whispered. 

"Yeah. But how about we watch this in the lounge? I want to make some popcorn." Ali said as she started to get up. She didn't want to be in the same room as Sydney right now, feeling reminders of their long nights. 

"O-okay." Brent said, shrugging. He held Ali's laptop and waited for her to grab a bag of popcorn, before holding her hand as they left. 

"See you later, Syd!" he called over his shoulder. Ali didn't say a word, her eyes staring down as she shut and locked her door. 

\--------------------------------------

The rest of the night was spent with Ali and Brent sitting next to each other on the couch, Brent's hand on her thigh. When the match ended, Brent leaned in to try to kiss Ali but Ali pulled back and said she was tired and needed rest. Brent just nodded and walked her back to her room, assuming she was worried about her match still.

Ali gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and unlocked her door. She quietly changed into her pajamas and crawled into her bed. 

"You can't keep this up, you know." Sydney said from the bed next to hers. Ali sighed, she was hoping Sydney was asleep by now.

"Do we need to do this? Right now?" Ali grumbled, turning to face away from her roommate.

"No, we don't. But what you do need to do is not lead that poor puppy on. It's pitiful." Sydney replied gently.

"We haven't had sex or anything. It's fine." Ali said back, a bit more aggressive than intended. 

"Feelings are still there. I can see it in his eyes, Al." 

Ali didn't bother to respond and tried to sleep. She heard Sydney sigh and roll over in her bed, giving up on her attempt to talk sense into Ali. Ali felt tears well up into her eyes and she mentally punched the wall in front of her. She knew she was in the wrong, but she enjoyed Brent's company. She felt that eventually she would develop feelings for him, maybe just as much as she has for Ashlyn, maybe even more. She just wished it would be sooner rather than later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta feel bad for Brent, he has no idea what he is getting into. Thank you for reading! As always, please leave comments on what you think!


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